scratch your name on the back of my arm.

2005-08-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

godsh, with the cruddy final years coming by so fast i'm wondering how im supposed to cram 3 years of work into the head. oh please, let the time fly very slowthankskew.
anyway (_ _ _ _) yesterday was highly entertaining veryvery, hoho!
anyway, gramma's here! this was so entertaining she came bounding into the room asking me if i have the (phunky) song by black eyed peas, and after i start to play it, she gets up and dances around the room. oh oma, you never cease to amaze me.
and so tonight is the night fate can finally be restored. its crazy how you never realise what you have until you dont want to lose it anymore.

now, im wanting this for sure,
i'll beg for nothing more.

saturday's over, goodnightthankewcomeagainpritz!

2005-07-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
but I know you did

2005-07-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

times square cant shine as bright as you.

i'm ready to face my next disaster,
i got through you.

2005-07-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

i'm mixed of emotions. im supposed to be happy for him, yet it hurts so much.
Seeing my big brother off at the airport today was the basically hardest moment of my life.
and in the midst of standing there hugging him for the last time in a long time, i just broke down. words cant begin to describe how much im going to miss him. Thank you kev, bradi, for being the big brother everyone wants. i will see you soon, and until then please take with you all the love in the world from me. i love you bradi. i'm praying for you.

2005-07-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

i dont think its quite sunk in yet, kev's leaving in eight days. i guess all these weeks i've been telling myself its not that near to avoid thinking about it. but inevitably, i know im gonna have to see him enjoy his last days here, and eventually watch him off at the horrid departure hall.

No, it hasnt sunk in. how much im really gonna miss him, irritating or not. I cant really explain it.. he's the best person i've ever known. i mean, where would i be without him.
This year, especially. after i joined the choir, we seem to have gotten alot closer. i practically see him everyday.. and go out as well. i dont know how its gonna be like without him.
no more taxi rides to church with him every sunday, no more jamming with mum while playing the organ/guitar, no more messaging me just to come up to let me hear a nice song, no more someone to call bradi. he's been such a constant fixture in my life that i myself would be lost. he taught me to sing, properly. he taught me how to play the guitar, he taught me to ride a bike, rollerblade. i know he's just going for 5 years.. but 5 years is a long time. im gonna be 21 by the time he comes back again for good.
i dont know why, i feel lost. i know i can, and i'll try my hardest. but im gonna miss him alot.
i guess right now all i can do is pray he'll be happy, and safe wherever he goes.

To my brother is all my prayers and every song i sing.
My last prayer is always for him.

2005-06-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

what do you do when the one person in the world you could tell everything to, the one person you could have the most fun with, the one person you trust with everything you have, the one person you could actually say you'd keep for life has a big problem,
and she wont talk to you about it.
stop bottling everything up, you know i care.
i thought you could tell me anything?
you know i love you, and i'd kill to see you laugh again,
please i would very much love to stay up all night listening to all you have to say.
pool or no pool, tears or no tears.
dont say you dont know what im talking about, please. you know very well.

2005-06-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

what did i do the day i let you slip into my soul.

2005-06-27T05:42:00.000-07:00

I looked away, Then I look back at you.
You try to say, The things that you can't undo.
If I had my way, I'd never get over you.
Today's the day, I pray that we make it through.
Make it through the fall, Make it through it all.
And I don't wanna fall to pieces.
I just want to sit and stare at you.
I don't want to talk about it.
And I don't want a conversation.
I just want to cry in front of you.
I don't want to talk about it.
Cause I'm in Love With you.
You're the only one, I'd be with till the end.
When I come undone, You bring me back again.
Back under the stars, Back into your arms.
Wanna know who you are, Wanna know where to start.
I wanna know what this means.
Wanna know how you feel, Wanna know what is real.
I wanna know everything, everything.

2005-06-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

over to calvin's house for dinner, which was very very enjoyable.
we made vinsagne! okay..i helped abit lah.

2005-06-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

Last night, i dreamt we were airplanes.
Just me and you, how cool is that?
we could fly away, from all this.
Maybe thats how this has to be. maybe thats how we're gonna turn out, inevitably.
I was so young. You should have known better then to lean on me. Now look where its gotten us? If being unhappy is the plan, we're going in the right direction.
Because of you i try my hardest just to forget everything,
because of you i dont know how to let anyone else in. but no, i told myself i wouldnt cause myself misery like this. i wouldnt get hurt over you. I should have noticed when i could, but its rather late now. all i do is rant, all i can do is rant.
because of you i'm ashamed of my life because its empty. i am afraid. But in the end, as much as i want it to be, its not your fault. and it never was.

who's to judge the faults of the happy? who's to judge the basis on why someone can make a person feel happy with herself/himself. who's to judge someone who falls in love with someone else. If we're all so good at judging, how come we dont judge ourselves? someone who'd go to all the lengths in the world for the one they love, brave or stupid? someone who wouldnt mind being used by the one they love, just to be able to spend time with him/her. someone who'd put aside friendships, family, for that one person. brave , or stupid? who's to say the lengths we'd go to for the ones we love.
I watched in a movie once. Someone said, you can never bite through your own skin, why? because you are too selfish. You'd never bite yourself till you bleed, because everyone cares only for themself, and would not wanna hurt him/herself.. unless, he/she was crazy.. or in love. Cause when your in love, nothing else matters. Instead of caring for yourself, you have someone else to care for, and therefore. all else doesnt matter to you. i personally havnt tried it though. But anything's possible. Who's to say how far love goes? whether its in a relationship or not, who's to say how far the love can go? sometimes, you do things you'd think you'd never ever do for someone else.
But how far would you go, to make yourself happy? After falling in love, who's to say if he loves you too? what if he doesnt? love is crazy like that. you cant depend on the one you love to love you back, you cannot control that. and almost everyone goes through this, at least once in a lifetime. and i might not be someone who knows much about it, but i know enough to know that unreciprocrated love, was, and is never meant to be. you cant force someone to love you. you cant force it. and you can be willing to give up everything for someone, you can love someone with all your heart and soul, but hey, sometimes love just isnt enough.

2005-06-22T05:35:00.000-07:00

this is crazy, i thought it was gone.
you didnt need it? i didnt need it too!
but as usual, we dont plan for these things to happen, now do we?

what am i doing?
oh god, migrane attacks coming back.
this, i really dont need.

<3 and then i turned seven...

2005-06-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, staying home the whole day is wasting a whole lot of holiday time, even though its quite satisfying knowing that i've been on the computer since 11 in the morning. Lifeless, no?
This feelings been creeping into me these days. I need to leave for awhile.. I wish i could, though. I would very much like to go somewhere else. And its crazy cause just when i think i can put my life back on track, and when i feel like i dont need anymore complications, complications arrive. Am i so stupid that i just cant feel it anymore? Do i really need someone slapping me in the face and telling me to stop before i actually do?

okay okay, my life's slowly disintegrating into that of a slow song gone wrong. Get up,tessa. Honestly, im usually stronger then this. tsk tsk..

I should be much too smart for this, you know you sometimes get the better of me.

' EVERY EIGHTEEN MINUTES SOMEBODY DIES FROM A SUICIDE, EVERY FOURTY-THREE SECONDS, SOMEBODY ATTEMPTS ONE.'

2005-06-16T19:25:00.000-07:00

i cant help but at the back of my mind harbour funny notions that something big's gonna happen.
pleasegoddont.

<3JsteamFsteamEsteam.
steamsteamsteam!

2005-06-16T04:15:00.000-07:00

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side, I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate .
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you

My hands are tied, My body bruised.
she's got me with Nothing to win and Nothing left to lose

2005-06-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

scenario: tessa and kevin are downstairs watching tv in the night.
my mum's upstairs watching some horrible show made in the 20's.. and suddenly she starts talking to us

mum: kev, what do you wanna do tomorrow?

kev: what do you feel like doing?

mum: let's exercise!

kev and tessa: gigglegiggle- shhh- heehee

mum: how? i was thinking..we could take a slow jog to the club. maybe play tennis for awhile, perhaps bowl abit.. and then we HIT THE GYM.

kev and tessa: hahaha SSSHHHH heehee hahahagigglegiggle

we were almost let off scott free....
and then...

mum: and then we can take a jog back home

kev and tessa: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAW HAW HAW forget the quiet-ness we were just releasing the last five minutes of laughter. we fell on the floor and we just could not stop.

mum: shutup, i dont want to talk to you both.

kev and tessa: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

2005-06-14T03:28:00.000-07:00

Now, did everyone know that walking around town holding a handkerchief full of your flu, is very very fashinable indeed.
Especially, when you dont realise you did it until you reach home, and then you laugh to yourself like a complete dorkus.
how you know, i like to stand in a corner and laugh to myself/at myself.
In the sayings of Aristootee, "Thats so amazingly Fab"

heartmate of hells.

2005-06-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

i found a piece of paper my 8 year old sister wrote on, it says in big red words,
I LOVE THE COOL BOYS.
and then in even bigger red words,
I HATE THE COOL GIRLS.

and My sister might actually truly be the genius of the family.

running away from my past and trust me, i'm trying my best to stay low.

2005-06-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

oh boy, even with horrendously messy hair, Brandon Boyd still gives me the hippyhippy shakes.

shot to the heart

2005-06-11T02:28:00.000-07:00

Last night's 11.30 long ride in the cab to east coast was pretty boggling. the barbeque was fun though. Food fights leaving everyone smelling like they just sat on a few dozen roller coaster rides and couldnt hold it in anymore. flying chicken wings made desperates run into the tent for refuge from the horrendous wrath of chickenwing throwers.
But then we had walks and talks along the beach with Nat and Mich, who truly made the night very much more enjoyable. All in all, i enjoyed myself thoroughly because i got to see the lady of the night, Michelle. Thank you for talking to me last night, i love you. goodday all.

Feels like your hand is on the door.
I think i'm finally scared now.You think i'm weak, I think your wrong.

2005-06-07T03:25:00.000-07:00

Please come back. I'ld die with you.

riots in the zoo

2005-06-06T03:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday night really put things in retrospective. I thought most about what made me happy. No, a bunch of lines dont.
I think i'ld rather someone who wouldnt mind chasing down a rhino.
`Its mighty big of you, sir'. HAHAHAH Why dont we just stare into nothing with the lights turned way down low. That night, i put on a happy face. Going all like i didnt care very much, but really, i did, thanks.

Believe me when i say i'm trying to make it worth your while.
It doesnt help , really when you say things to be a better person. i enjoy being a dork, excuse yourself. How does it feel having fun twice on one weekend? You're good lah..
And i almost stopped to think of happiness. Happiness is right now, it is really. I dont need the disturbing sense of reality which is you, and lets just say for now, the zoo is a very enjoyable place to go for a late afternoon swim. That night, i put on a happy face. Going on like i didnt care very much, but really, i did, thanks.

On wednesday, I am going to enjoy myself thoroughly, because it means a late night at the airport, and having to see the best person in the world after too long.

That night, i put on a happy face. Going all like i didnt care very much. But really, i did, thanks. ma you chi!

One last dance it is , to say hello.

2005-06-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

..How i laughed, how i cried
How this world was yours and mine.
All our dreams, out of reach.
I stood by you, you stood by me.
We took each day and made it shine.
We wrote our names across the sky.
we went so fast, we went so free.
I had you, you had me.

Please Remember...

as useless as the world has to offer

2005-05-16T04:53:00.000-07:00

oh oh yesterday's bit at the flea market was fun, although so crowded. i managed to see so many wonderful things that i did not get, haha.
after zouk was off to sfx with jillian,jill, rese, martin, gary and spencer for mass.
jillian, NEW AGE FASHION EY?! hahahaha.
dinner with enough money for tofu!

highlight of the evening was definitly going to the club with rese and just spending the evening talking and sitting on our pool chairs beside the pool with my pepsi and your ice lemon tea and laughing (okay maybe not laughing) but, there was abit of that yes? thank you for putting my head right back on track, if i'ld stay happy its mostly because of you.
we pretty much faced the world last night, me and her.

AdamBrody and the hibby jibbies!

2005-05-10T03:24:00.000-07:00

i'm busy living life in overdrive.
i cant help but feel so happy sitting here, i'm nearly bawling my eyes out. Thanks to you, you heart breaker. mister Adam Brody, will you marry me?

after much research, i have come to find that, yes indeed, Adam Brody is better looking than Ryan. Ryan's got a big bum, which would actually swing both ways with me, if Adam Brody werent so bloody
i'm-skinny-but-ignore-the-hair-and-look-at-my-face-PROPERLY
yeah, so. how about it, Adam?
i love you long time!

i need something else
would someone please just give me
hit me, knock me out
and let me go back to sleep
i can laugh all i want
inside i still am empty
so deep that it didn't even bleed
and catch me

i'll be just fine, pretending i'm not.

we're one in the same, i tell you.

2005-05-03T05:29:00.000-07:00

a horrible effort at trying to study today, it just ended with screaming over the rain and a great talk with cavin that ended up putting a big smile on my face and making my day once again.
"ITS RAINING ITS RAINING"
i dont think studying has accumulated to much..

im sorry calvin lye, for behaving so horribly at the sight of chemistry,
i'm so ashamed! (no i'm not really)
jumping on the bed was never so much fun without company.
please get better soon..

2005-05-02T02:57:00.000-07:00

Four o'clock in the morning
My mind's filled with a thousand thoughts of you
And how you left without warning
But lookin back I'm sure ya tried to talk it through
Now I see it so clearly
We're together but living separate lives
So I wanna tell you I'm sorry
Baby I can't find the words
But if I could
Then you know I would yeah

No I won't let go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life crashing down on me
Guess I had it all right there before my eyes
but I'm sorry now, you werent the last thing on my mind

You carried me like a river
How far we've come still surprises me
And now I look in the mirror
Look in the mirror
Staring back is the man
I used to Be with you
How I long for you

No I wont let go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life crashin down on me
Guess I had it all right there before my eyes, yea

but sorry now, you werent the last thing on my mind

love , love and happy afternoons.

2005-04-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

horribly sick this morning,
thus, i stayed in bed thinking of different ways to tie shoelaces.
very unproductive afternoon i say!

but let me tell you, no? night life is so much more appealing.
chubby is free, well golly! its about time!?
so in honour of being probation-less
we (cuszy) held a slack bbq at cuzzy's house to celebrate!
the stupendous occassion started(yes kids, started.), with chubby being stone cold by the time i got there!
(okay lah, maybe not stone but getting there yes?)

at the end of the day, chubby's free and let us all jump into the bus after ten!
tamchew Nat, for the awesome talk/talks we had.

the details are long and windy, much like the yellow brick road.
goodnight all!

2005-04-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

24% .. 49%.. 72%..100%

i think i'm happy now.

why do you make me fall down so hard?

EVERYTIME.

for what it's worth, these are my letters of regret.

2005-04-28T05:21:00.000-07:00

what would you think of me if i jabbed you in the front and if i called you a rootpicker?
you know your the same as anyone else in this room.
it's gone from "i'ld always be your girl", to just a name.
nothing too personal, i used to know you.

Thinking of the words to say,
I'd like to think that this was fake.
Reference to a song you love,
Spell confusion with a 'k'
Like a star without its rings,
I'm hanging here on these two wings.
For that smile and those eyes...I'm falling

If time could stop, how could I make this poetic?
When there's nothing more pathetic to be said...

You bring me out, show me light,
I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.
You carry through, you make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you,
For you...

If you ever had the chance,Would you make your life seem right?
Or would you only hold it back,
The good times, the hard, and the bad.
Whatever you say is alright,
Just as long as there's no doubt.
Could you look me in the eyes...And say goodbye

If time could stop, how could I make this poetic?
When there's nothing more pathetic to be said...

You bring me out, show me light,
I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.
You carry through, you make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you.

Our wish,Each time,Keeps me returning to you,
Night after night...
Lift me up as high as the clouds that won the sky,
For you and I...

Amber Pacific- Poetically Pathetic

late night jumps over the wall.

2005-04-26T05:50:00.000-07:00

i dinstinctively remember my night spent with nat. after the gig i was supposed to go to a party but decided not to at the last minute cause seeing nat was just more important.( ally nat donn and i) waited for about an hour when she told us to sneak into her house. after much laughing(which we could not stop for some insane reason) tessa laughs only when she's not supposed to, when we were trying to go for stealth. all we could do was stand around cracking silent jokes and laughing. the frieking leaves making so damn much noise my god. we all finally managed to climb over. went into her place for a few minutes and we left for jalan kayu, which meant of course sneaking out again. even more hysterical fits of laughter due to the human-eating trees which's main aim was to get us caught for making too much bloody noise.
but all in all the night was bloody well worth it. all for you nat, my happy bag.

pony rides and jackets

2005-04-26T05:08:00.000-07:00

you bring me down. its not me, its you.
its not that i dont want to completely treat you as if you were gone. you were a v v significant part of my life. and maybe you dont quite get that.
well, maybe you cant always have what you want, you cant always have your say and expect everyone to drop at your feet. it would be so perfect, so fucking perfect, if everything could just be erased, as in completely erased. never to be thought of again, but how lucky can one get?
it will never go away, as much as i want it to.

today i felt v v terrible because during biology class i could have won an award for clutz of the year. i dont want to go into details, basically a world record of test tubes broken by tessa paran, chemicals all over the floor. bio teacher made a million dollars out of broken test tubes. i burned rachel and i cut myself. i hate science. i knew it always hated me too. fucking biology.
ya anyway, after school took a nice lonely quiet bus ride with rese to gardens to meet calvin(who was rather late as usual) sat outside coffee bean in the blistering weather waiting,feeling more pek cek as the minutes went by. and when he came we sat around more. we started to feel better. rese was cheering me up so with her TEAR-SA, and CAL -ories+vin. hahahaha. the-wrist.
you make me very happy sunshine, no matter how lousy i was feeling today.
and when that fellow smiles at me i cannot help but smile too.
met jona where we laughed made all kinds of fun of each other.
and sat in video ez watching a (very nice) singlish show. and then off to the club to eat. met a whole lot of poeple including my michi who i havnt seen in pretty long thank you much.
i went bowling! met my bradi and chubby at the bowling alley for a few games. hawhaw i think i made a bajoober out of myself because my brother and chubby's score was like 4 times mine.

Whatever this has come to be

Great value to the ones who need it

And in time we will see this through again

Take the time to taste the blood we need

Give me all that I'm asking for

Satisfy and don't ever disappoint my faith

Be true like you're always true to me

I'm sorry that I'm not good enough

Lets make up something we will never taste

No matter what I'll be there

Whatever it takes, I'll be there

Give me all that I'm asking for

Satisfy me.

We're so much better than you'll ever be.

Daphne Loves Derby- Here's One For The Four Years.

2005-04-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

miss natsha liew's masterpiece.

HAHAHAHA.
wtf??!

2005-04-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

hahaha

babyboo you know that no matter what i'll always always be here to talk to you about absolutely anything you need me too. we'ld take the happy plastic bag and throw all our worries away wont we? now smile, and everything will be fine just like you said.
and hey, as i always say. lemme jump into your bag take me along.
the same few words with all different meaning used for each person. i love you nat. i really do.
:)

2005-04-20T11:34:00.000-07:00

its an insanely early hour when someone has school the next day.
staying up to talk to nat, who i miss v v much.
talking about our lives .
she's helping me with my imagestation
i'm helping her with her blog.

i love you nat.

i hate moths.

2005-04-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

and here i am, a very scared girl in a very scary house. with a very scary big moth in my room.
i was merely minding my own business reading and being such a good catholic kid, and what comes flying at me with the mighty force of bigfoot but smaller abit.. and a humongously overnoisy friekishly big flying pair of wings. ohmygod a moth. i hate moths. i used to like them because they gave all their colours for rainbows but now i hate rainbows too. i hate them, because the moth scared the living crap out of me.. and that got me wheezing and scuffing like an asthma case, sending me running all around my room in a frieking frenzy holding a book like it was gonna save my life. i remember running out of my room and i slipped and fell on a piece of paper on the ground. now usually, under normal circumstances, tessa would drop whatever she was doing for some time to bloody laugh at herself. but not this time no! all i did was behave like i was being chased by a bloody ghost, got up and looked to see if it was still chasing me and just went on running. i never thought i was so afraid of moths, but evidently i am. and so here i am seeking solitude and peace of mind in the study room, which is directly next to my own.
i called calvin to tell him my horrible traumatic experience but i got laughed at. like it was the funniest bloody thing in the world tessa being chased mercilessly around her room by a moth. i mean, okay maybe it was kind of funny. okay now i'm laughing. its so weird how at the time of the incident you feel like its the end, and after it all you just feel like the biggest, clumsiest, stupidest idiot in the world.

this is calvin
"if it was me i'd just smack it to the floor"
SO EASY YOU DO LA!?
hahahahaha.
calvin calvin. "the moth is taking over your room la"
yes i'm very aware of that!
and daryll! what? huh? what!?
HAHAHAHA. im being mercilessly teased.
this moth is taking over my friekin life.

if it means anything i'ld sing it to you.

2005-04-20T02:19:00.000-07:00

Knew the signs, wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now i feel like a fool

So confused,my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far. I never had your heart.
Out of reach, Couldn't see.
We were never Meant to be.

Catch myself , From despair
I could drown If I stay here.
Keeping busy everyday, ~~I know I will be OK.~~
So confused,My heart's bruised.
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far I never had your heart.
Out of reach ,Couldn't see
We were never Meant to be.

So much hurt,So much pain
Takes a while To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time, You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

So confused,My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach,So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,Couldn't see
We were never Meant to be

Out of reach,So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there For me

fall away and fall apart.

2005-04-20T01:10:00.000-07:00

is there a better place you could bring me?away from all that's here.
i'ld take your hand with all my gladness, and make sure no one'ld follow us.
i need something else, something other then all this melodrama being handed to me, like salt to chips.
i guess i'm out of words. words to say to bring you here.words to bring you right back here next to me.
i'm living each day as it is, and i'ld never be the same.
i'm glad your back, but what about me?
i need something, anything to let you know i'm still here.
i'ld fall away and fall apart, if that would get you to see.
this whole second-to-your-life thing doesnt work for me.
i thought it could but i'm sorry i was wrong.
i thought my strength could hold up against a broken heart.
you know, i'ld walk 24841561651 miles just to hear you say goodbye to me.
we'ld slowdance one more time under the midnight sky when you told me you loved me.
you know i'd always had a soft spot for the things you do.
is it desperation? wanting to hold onto all that we were/could-have-been driving me to the brink?
and all i want to be is somewhere else.
is acting happy like ive got a few bucks for a new toy all thats left?
the horrific memory that is you, is holding me back up against the wall.
even if you were hitting me, i'ld still wanna stay there breathing you in and looking into your hate-filled eyes.
whatever you prefer's not that i dont care, its the mere fact you dont want me to.
losing people's the way to go to mend it, if your saying so.
saying goodbye, but just for awhile. and silly conversations. can we get that back?
cause this is all i wanna say.
i miss you.

2005-04-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

today was fun becauhse i spent my day with rese and natt. we went to the club for lunch after recess gabloosh picture-taking. i love my new found picture-editing skills. hahahaha edited sooo many gabloosh pictures theyre on friendster. heh. yaya. so anywahh,
my cousin from australia's down, nadia. i miss her alot man.

so anyway, did anyone know that twits are pregnant goldfish's.. or something like that.
ya i learned that. and at the club we saw ben and gary and mark ow and field.
and it was raining so heavily. and i had to walk in the rain in the rain. in the rain know?
to the bus stop. but i love the frieking rain! i love the rain.
ya so. ok anyway.
song by vacant affair. AAAAAHHHHHHH.
oh. ma gad. its fookin good.
and ya.
rese!
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY. lets go crazy again! only this time i will see keagan and we will DROP becauhse of the gorgeous-ness and OHMAGADDD he's so sweeeet. so anyway, i know sometimes it feels like shit and theres no one and stuff but i'ld gladly jump into your suitcase if you wanna dissapear.. take me along.

so nahnah nah. no he's not an ah beng, and no he does not have any horrifying orange sharp comb sticking out his backside. tamchew!

As we trudge along through the mud
And we tried to call it home
But we weren't alright, not at all
Not for one for one for one second

Never have been one to write it down
Now I think I can I know I'm stronger now
Who's looking south
Not me
I'm not looking back
I'm done denying the truth to anyone
Cause I'm alive

As we trudge along through the mud
And we tried to call it home
But we weren't alright, not at all
Not for one for one for one second

You showed me how.
You seemed to find a hole
But I just laughed and smiled.
Begged and rolled my eyes
Even cried and Denied the truth to you
Just like the truth to me. Mostly lied

I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back

White it out like glittering wax butterflies
Never have been one to write it down
Now I think I can. I know I'm stronger now
Who's looking south
Not me
I'm not looking back
I'm done denying the truth to anyone
Cause I'm alive

I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back
I'm not going to look back

the used; maybe memories.

2005-04-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

me and daryl..itsa good itsa nice.

that's my ah beng.

2005-04-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

Blue sky us holding down
There's no why
Only the sound of happy TV land
Cue the canned applause

Sidewalk fall through the cracks to China
Never get back
I'm nothing in these blues and laceless Velcro shoes

There used to be a reason why
We wrote the words across the sky
You and I will never die without a fight
My suburban muse

Green grass towering high
This white house, in it we'll die
A thousand tiny lies take the place of you
I've seen it too
In all the things you do
It lives inside of you
A parasite or two

I'm the king of ordinary things
They're killing me from inside out
I'll give it away

Between the cars on dusty streets
The cul de sac is where we meet
I crunch the leaves beneath my feet and curse this town
My suburban muse

Abandoned Pools; Suburban Muse.

2005-04-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

Nelson's chalet is on Friday. according to Calvin, i'm staying the night, apparently. well.. little does he know about the green haired monster my mother turns into whenever i mention the word sleepover does he? hoho! let us not go into the gory details. my father gets even worse!

i dont get it! when i go out at night i usually come home reeeally late anyway. later then when they sleep.. so they wouldnt even know if i stayed the night. but they just keep saying nosleepovers nosleepovers nosleepovers no sleepovers all the bloody time.
ild lie but its not the right thing to do and ild feel guilty at the party and just have vv horibble beyond terrible time.. even though mich is gonna be there and calvin and all the other lovely people that make me happy just by looking at them!

anyway i had a lovely talk with my godpa over the phone just now. singing him my song, which he enjoyed tremendously, til it gave him a headache. hoho. i miss him. back when we used to call each other every day just to find out what we were doing (according to him i never called la, of course.) RIGHT ANOT GODPA? back when we used to meet up and he used to make fun of me over ma you chi. back when he would illegally take me away from everyone in church just so i could go smoke, and then scold me for getting him scolded when we got found out. hahahahaha. back when i would go over to his house and ransack his kitchen and dirty his room, and watch desperate housewives and the oc on my dream computer(his laptop) and steal his army pants and make fun of him wearing his skirt(that ugly sarong), he'd steal my pistachios and pinch me when i dropped the shell on the floor. all the abuse i went through ah?! hahahaha. anyway, i miss you goopa. if you're reading this. i treasure you alot, as much as i like to prove otherwise by irritating you til you get your migranes. and i'll always be here for you whenever you need to dissapear to our secret place with cuzzy to de-stress, all in the name of godship! HAHAHAHA.

2005-04-13T01:57:00.000-07:00

so this morning i felt too lazy to go to school.
so i walked over to mother's room and told her
"mum i'm not going today"
and she said something that sounded like
"ghihregirbgtrhjtrvbuirei imgrumblingincoherently"
i just went right back to sleep.
isnt life just grand when your trying to ignore people?
not that i dont listen to what my mother says,its just that when she speaks in the mornings,
nobody really understands her.. i dont think she understands herself.

its raining now.. i love it when it rains.
ladies and gentlepeople! tessa made her own horlicks!! and it actually tasted wondertabulous lemmetellyouthat. so yes. clapclap.
i woke up late today. felt too lazy to go to school. onward march!
anyway does evryone know its raining? i love the rain.
my day just got ruined. i cant believe this shit is happening.

so im sitting here eating my milo powder which is bloody good on a rainy day lemmetellyouthat. the passport photo's i took are all crapped up my eye looks swollen. not even both eyes! one eye! so i look like some weird thing. its so unfair. fack it.
i'm going jamming on sunday.
how come when i say that it only reminds me of someone else...?!

how come we keep over -having the same problem again and again
it sucks cause you know in the end i'll get weak and give in again. which i obviously cannot do cause that'll just complicate things. maybe it'll be better this way? i dont know. how do you forget problems when they were never really properly solved??
i really dont get it.. ild start a riot in the zoo. anything for. ..
i blame myself, not anyone else but myself. for thinking you were trying to care, and trying to be nice. what fuck? you dont do nice.
maybe not anymore.your so different from what you were.
so different from the person i loved and was happy with. you think your really all that much greater now? your not. youve turned yourself into a fucking monster.
nothing to do with me right now. cause im not her. ive said this so many times im dying. im not her, and i dont have what it takes to make you happy. i am not enough fer you. so leave me alone, cause it'll probably make the both of us happier. and lord knows its all i want fer you.

okokokok?! OKCAN. im done done done done.

You left a guy who told you where to be and when
I was with a girl who tried to sleep with my best friend
We both took comfort in each others messy lives
Finding warmth on that cold November night
We swore it'd be years before we brought that on again
Days later you said that we should be morethan just friends
I let my guard down cause the feelings were so strong
But acted stupid and that's when he came along

It's been so longI should just move on
There's other fish in the sea
But I keep hoping that you'll swim back home to me

We'd sneak out and go swimming late at night
You're one of few who can say they've seen me cry
You got my quirkiness and awkward sense of humor
We shared Simpson quote and started made up rumors

If night turned into day you'd hide me from your mom
I could never fight with you cause you were never wrong
This time especially the blame is all on me
If I'd not screwed things up I wonder where we'd be

One day for no reason I broke our date
So you made other plans that day
And that's when you met him
~~And why you're still with him today~~

I keep hoping you'll swim back home to me
I'm just glad I got a chance to know you
You'll forever be the one that got away

Allister- The One That Got Away.

2005-04-12T05:33:00.000-07:00

hello hello.
school is boring. mum brought back photo's from lanjut! hahaha shiok!

went to the ica building again with calvin! this afternoon.
hahaha my bloody passport sized photo. looks damn funny lar?!
ah b?! laugh laugh laugh. hahahahaha. yes anyway.
finally got my bc and ic done. woohoo!

trying to make an imaged background. doesnt seem to be working very well.
computers suck.
oh well.
see ya.

2005-04-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

i'd take a cigarette burn for you anyday.
we'd live happy there'd be no worries.
So hey, let me jump into your suitcase take me along

2005-04-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

If I could tell you one thing
Then I'd tell you everything
I'd probably say that you've been on my mind
Since we held hands out in the rain
Smoking cigarettes to play off all the butterflies
I had inside

And now I think that you should know
That you've got everything
That I've wanted for so damn long
And that I wouldn't hesitate to trade away everything
If you tell me that I'm not wrong
So know I think that you should know
That I've been waiting for you
Since we sat underneath the stars
as I held you in my arms
Killing just another summer night

It's funny how the best things happen sometimes
And how I'll always remember those endless nights
But don't forget I regret the fact that I had to leave you
Right as the best part starts
So I thought I'd take the time to say

Allister ; Waiting For You.

2005-04-09T02:59:00.000-07:00

didnt bother going to school yesterday for the swim meet. its usually freaking boring and hot so whats the point. yeah anyway, went shopping with mum pat n baba in the end.
bought shit loads of clothes la!
finally bought another levi's. damn stylo.. bought more tops.

anyhoos, went to meet niz joyce bel went to the police station n then dinner hahaha which was so extremely fun cause we kept playing the a-z game! wt!! hahahahaha
joyce is so blonde its scary i swear, blondener then me! hoho!

then an mrt ride to outram mrt station and third place for the gig! which was freaking rocking la. saw so many poeple i havnt seen for such a damn long time!
francesca! nigel kenneth shaunp brad jess soo many. obvious all got shocked to shits with my hair. oh wells. isOKAY. ive learnt to live with it. hahaha

would you die too if i gave up on life tomorrow?
i'd love you, even in my grave.
i'll let the whole world know, about the girl who died for love.
You know damn well i love you. You know i always will.
Dont put me through the heartache,
though you know i'd love you still.

2005-04-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

okay i just typed out a decently long entry and it got screwed cause of my itchy fingers.

fack it.
i forgot what i said.

oh ya...i cut my hair..like a guy?
but its alright im cool with it. naturally, like any convent, 165496461351 people asked me if i turned butch, which i did not. thankyouplease. so many stares. fack all of you.
was an easy feat convincing ms yang i wasnt a butch cause all i did was tell her i have breasts and a boyfriend.
she let me off pretty easy after that..

anyway, gig on friday at third place.
shopping with rese soon.
jala-lepak with nic n chel this week.

i'm gonna go now. thankyoubyebye!

song now;

You Vandal- Saves The Day.

2005-04-04T02:13:00.000-07:00

was blog hopping type thing n i saw this thingythingy, which kind of hit me cause the words mean alot..

being untrue?
no, no, no,... it was you.
i'm sick and tired of all the drama.
i wanna get away from you.
being distant from you helps.
so what am i to do?
just stare blankly into your dark brown eyes?
believe me, it will never happen.
i'm wiser.
it's over.
and you've got to face it.
so whats wrong with me being different?
i've changed, not the person you used to know.
the pressure you had on me had me thinking,
was it all true?
i wonder...
i'll always be your baby?
not anymore. never.
too bad it didnt go our way
the sweet memories are kept safe in my heart.
but the ugly ones haunt me too.
im sick and tired of playing your games.
being naive and weak was the past.
being strong and independant is what i am now.
the r/ship was a test of our love.
you blew it, i dont want you back.
you made me who i am right now.
im ready to face another disaster.
i got through you.

i sat and smiled..

2005-04-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

chubby's for dvd's with the rest. came home early though school tomorrow.

i hope you choke on every word you spoke
when you were screaming at me.
And realize how many times I've tried,
but that's wishful thinking.
All I want is an apology for what you did
and how you treated me.
Get me far away,
or at least as far as this car will take me.

2005-04-02T22:32:00.000-08:00

The hand of my clock strikes two
In times when I got the best of you
We made promises we couldn't keep
And every night wei couldn't sleep.
I didn't know why, but didn't ask questions
because it was the first time in my life, yeah the first time in my life
Where I, did something right.

I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time
I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time

You pick me apart
While I search for witty things to say . (In my defense)
"You'll never amount to anything anyway"
(Don't press your luck, don't press your luck)
And think that I'm impressed
with your one night stands
and your contagious kiss
I'm trying to get this right
Yeah, cause I'm ridiculous like that

I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time
I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time

I'll keep this as
A constant reminder
Of the nights I spent holding onto him
And rest assured I'm moving on
I miss you less, with each day your gone

I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time
I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time
I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time

matchbook romance; the greatest fall of all time.

2005-04-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

so today there's this big dragon in my throat thats been climbing up these past few days and now finally its in there and i have to admit i love my voice.. i find it fucking sexy. apparently, i am the only one who feels this way. according to my godpa. hahahaha. dammit. :D
but unfortunately, no voice to sing. it keeps breaking. thus,didnt go for choir.

hoho! anyway! dvd night at chubby's again on friday. fucktastic. smoke spree and i finally watched hide and seek. it was quite a stupid show.. haha but frieking scary at somepart thingy thingy's. i remember jerking again.. like how i used to when i was little. hahaha cant believe it its back to HAUNT. dont know what it is with me and scary shows cause yesterday i went to watch the eye ten. with calvin and mich and natt and jona and the cute couple. hoho it was quite fun because it was a bappy day.
then pool at monster with thomas and russ.. met martin for abit.
then off to mel's! the party was alright. pretty fun. came home early for a specific reason but i shan't go into detail.
fack youfackyoufackyoufackyou scum!
hoho. and im happy again.

you have no say in my mood nowadays.
you gave up caring remember?
i tried my hardestest not to care too.
then suddenly you cared again.
hah. its a no care/care situation.
im not a fool for you.
or maybe i just dont love you as much as i used to/thought i did.
thankyouplease! :P

Long ago Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

song of the day;

My Chemical Romance- Helena.

2005-03-31T03:35:00.000-08:00

school was bullshit. bloody boring day.
after school went to meet leeza's new boyfriend. nonstop disturbing.
hahahaha. dammit! scratch her feelings i'll scratch yer face dawg.
hoho :P
went to meet bel in gardens.. then calvin n chubby!
back to my place for jamming n dvd's! no dvd's have been played so far.
theyre still here.
my dad's gone for a few days!
fakkin shiok! lalalalala.
and its dinnertime!
bye!

2005-03-30T04:51:00.000-08:00

today was a rather non-productive day. planned to study but obviously that planned was foiled very quickly, seeing as how i have so many goodie moody movies such as spongebob and my old barney vcd! hoho what a treat! :D
emo days are a thing of the past, no more worrying over you cause that was a big waste of my time. altho emo songs are much to be desired. i need a haircut and im thinking of doing something static and just chopping it all off. but since when have i ever had the guts fer any of that? and in the end i always do it and refuse to ever see the light of day til it grows back.
wah. i feel good today! or at least i think so! anywoos, i feel bad becosh i missed the easter lenten vigil thingithingi! so many people went and scolded me bacosh they never saw me there.

yesterday me and superboy went to the ica building or something like that to get my ic done. but i lost my birth cert see? so nooo i couldnt get that done. i had to retrieve my original bc, or something like that.. so we were stuck there filling these three moronic three million question long forms and whatnot, and all the while that silly boy was laughing at my frieking passport photo la! shoooo damn cracked up abourit. took a million and one stupid pictures on my phone and his, he's like a friekin lil kid! yah you rar! anybody seen my puffs? hawhawhaw. shuddup la, you stupid.

i did not see school today, meaning i did not get to see rese and natt. which is why i miss them alort. rese how abow our day of happiness and sunshine and sheshami shtreet ? if i could find you now things would get better.

I guess this is what it's like to be really down
And holding out for something
Remembering the warm nights
Remembering the open arms of two years ago
Oh there's nothing like this parking lot
And seeing the stars in morning
Cause I can see them from where I'm lying
I can feel the cold pavement against my skin
It's tingling.

song of the day.
The Last Lie I Told- Saves The Day.

2005-03-29T05:40:00.000-08:00

And I swear with her its always
heads I win and tails you lose.
Josie flashes on TV.,
the radio sings her name
Id find her if my heart were free.
My girl is such a gamble.
All my luck runs out
on a fifty/fifty chance.

She takes different ways to stay.
Everyday a different game,
she always finds some way
To save a little face.
She's fast, the next thing you know
You're kissing concrete.

One day she fakes and the next she's in love again.
And it feels so bad to be this good,
When I'm so sick and tired of all her cunning style,
Whispers around my neck
that I watched fall
Behind my back, with all the times I touched
Her after class.
I needed mine, she wouldn't grow
So I got out.

One day she fakes and then she's gone again,
But shell never get a second chance to say
"nothing serious".

song of the day; Nothing Serious- Over It.

2005-03-29T05:28:00.000-08:00

is this how you said it'd get better?
i'm waiting behind the door of this room,
waiting for the sun to blind me.
and you know i hate the sun.

why didnt you take the chance when it was staring you in the face?

i detest the walk of everything in the way. i can make it on my own.
lets go watch barney and get all this trashed out.

2005-03-28T02:04:00.000-08:00

heyho. ok ok ok ok ok ok ok okaaay.
school is horrible. i hate school. i was so tired today. tua toh!
hahaha. okay anyway, report cards came out today. jeez man. could i do any worse!
ho well. after school followed rachie n nic to nic's mamas shop.. then rushed down to gardens to meet calvin.
tomorrow i have to make my ic! dammit! how la. ayoooh. horrible.
so damn lazy to go.

im predicting a facked up day tomorrow..
i feel it comin on. already think im starting to think alot.
i hate thinking alot, cause inevitably i start thinking of you and it just screws with my head cause i dont want to facking think about you. waste my frieking time. ho well.
my godpa has gone into hiding and i dont know where he has dissapeared to today.
let us go find him.
off and away!

Today is just like all the others
I'm not alright i've cried my last tears
I'm bleeding out my pain as you scream at me
Just Why?
You've got me waiting by myself
I never wanted more than this
What will it take to get the truth
I'm on my knees
Another page of i'm sorry's addressed to me
Another story for the collection of memories folded neatly
And I will never make the same mistake..

song of the day; Finch- Waiting

2005-03-23T18:14:00.000-08:00

im in school!
haha
okay
computer at home doesnt work.
so no blogging...for awhile.
yeah. NO MOOD.
fack you.
and all the shit you brought along with you.

grow up your older than i am.

song of the day- hawthrone heights; Ohio Is For Lovers.

2005-03-23T01:22:00.000-08:00

and then i'd bite my tongue and hold back my laugh.
cause all you left me were lies
and nothing more then an "im sorry"
nothing to hold onto.
back when i thought i could count on you, and you said you loved me
did you forget that? did you forget when you held me,
when you told me, you `can count on me'.
did you forget when you said you'd never leave my side?
do you remember how happy you said you were?
was that another fucking lie?
were you even happy at all? maybe this time i'll let you win.
maybe you'll lose like i did.
i was so misled into believing you gave a shit.
i guess i was the dumb one come end of story cause you didnt. you said she meant nothing, its pretty sad.
how nothing could ruin everything.
i said i loved you, and i did. but i guess that just wasnt enough. and you meant everything in the world to me, really a shame it had to end.

so many i love you's shared. you know,
our relationship was so sad. you changed your mind. even after i forgave you for your fucking lies.
told me that i could trust you? what a fucking joke that turned out to be.
im not going anywhere.
if i'm bitter its because of you.

my tears turned into the time i wasted trying to find a fucking reason to hold on to you.
one day you'll realise your stupid mistake, realise how she's a waste of time. how we could have been so much more. but, now you'll never know, because? you'll never have me again.

its so stupid cause i was so fucking dumb. i remember feeling like you had enough time to go out and make other girls fall in love with you when you didnt have enough time to pay attention to the one who already did. the cuts were on my tongue from all the things i never got to say.
excuse me, boy. right now
you mean less to me then a waste of time. fack it.
im through trying to be your only one.
it was hard, and i thought i wasnt gonna let up. but i gave up.
sometimes all you do is let it go. and heal yourself. you were just another part of me, i couldnt let go. just another memory i dont want. this is where you and me mean nothing more then a
crossed-out heart carved into a tree in my backyard.

so you've heard it. as much as i thought i wasnt going to.
i got over you.
fucking happy because i thought i couldnt do it, and i thought i was never gonna find someone else. but guess what? i fucking did.
i found someone else who's not a waste of my time, or my love.
someone who makes time for me,
someone who doesnt need a slut.
and all our memories? we had none.
as much as i'd like to think we did. we dont. we never did.
we didnt have the time to make them. memories dont just grow on trees.
speaking about growing? i've done alot of that in the past few days. you should try that sometime. maybe i was never what you wanted, but how could you promise me forever when forever ended so soon? you did this to me. and i wish it didnt happen

my foolish fucking paper heart that never seems to stop breaking.maybe one day i'll realise i'm not in the wrong this time and should fight for what i want, not you.
its not about you anymore.

because you said you loved me,
because you made me cry.
for all the times you hurt me
and every single fucking time you lied.

because somebody saw you,
because somebody saw her too.
because after all the fucking trauma.
i can finally say i'm over you.

2005-03-20T00:11:00.000-08:00

ooh. FACKING FUCKTASTIC WIKKED time at the barbeque last night. ton the whole facking night and it was damn fun la! fackin interesting night. vanessa's party was before dat. i think i left before the party got started. daayng. haha. anyway.

barbeque ah? hahahahaha. all the drinkers=drunkards. all facking drunkards. these are the times i thank mary pop's i dont drink. so anyway, helped cheng look after the party. fun sia. so many drunkards. hahahaha. a group of us stayed later on for slacking and self made bonfire! hahahaha lousy one. burning bottles, drowning toy soldiers, talking about gaming, playing taitee and blackjack, my goodness. boredom kills!

fackin scary la the night time! hahaha. chow from chuan park damn frieking fast. haha after leaving chuan park went to gardens for prata .. that was at like 7 plus already..
facking rush home n got ready for church. NEVER SLEEP AT ALL LA?!
was like nearly sleeping in church. and practice.. but practice was frieking fun. calvin's aiyah all. hahahahaha. disturbing val like mad.

hoho. anyway after church onwards emo again. damn shit la every sunday kena emo like this. fack it. mrt'ed to town wit bel, val, cuz, james n ronald. had lunch and val bel n james went for disney on ice n me ronald n marcus went ta get ronald's cd's and a nike shirt. facking nice la.

emo. wa zhi po. hahahahaha.
yayee. and den i'm home. i'm supposed to be having my emo sleep. but suddenly im not feeling so emo. it was just...just now. yeah anyway...
okaybye!

The best day of my life is all thanks to you

Precious remembrance single rainy day or February

Few scenes from my life

or moments mean more to me than our fine nights,

I remember like yesterday,

the time of my life

Please don't leave me without saying goodbye

starting line; leaving.

2005-03-18T22:51:00.000-08:00

and you will find someone. says:
really dont wanna come?

I am the enemy... says:
far la

and you will find someone. says:
ok den

and you will find someone. says:
fine

and you will find someone. says:
i understand

I am the enemy... says:
no u dont.. u r being a bitter whiney bitch

and you will find someone. says:
no im not

and you will find someone. says:
SO WHAT IF I AM!?

and you will find someone. says:
i am perfectly capable of leading the pack without the godpa

and you will find someone. says:
I'LL BE THE DON FOR THE DAY

I am the enemy... says:
donn

I am the enemy... says:
hurhur

and you will find someone. says:
DON LA!? like.. the godpa..his name was don

and you will find someone. says:
right..

I am the enemy... says:
no dat was his title.. his name was vito corleone

and you will find someone. says:
oh... roight.

I am the enemy... says:
e godfather is my bible

and you will find someone. says:
roight.

I am the enemy... says
u just wanna over throw me

I am the enemy... says:
u think i dunno

I am the enemy... says:
want to mutiny all

and you will find someone. says:
what are you TALKING about?

sometimes, he can be so non-godpa'ish noone'll beloeve he is the godpa. i feel older. shiok! hahahahahaha. i love you godpa!

2005-03-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

okay so today's is gonna be a wikked swee day.
its me, my godpa, bel, marcus and chubby on a date with HITCH in town.
finafackingLLY la. after like so damn long.

i've been checking the internet for movie dates and times and did i mention
i facking hate the internet?!
anyway my godpa's helping me check now. cause tessa is so extremely useless it should be a sin.
hair's dropping out trying already laa.
okay this is hilarious. its my conversation with my godpa.

Nobody luvs me... says:
why u so useless

and you will find someone. says:
sorry

and you will find someone. says:
can u help me check?

Nobody luvs me... says:
hahhahaah

and you will find someone. says:
pleaseee

Nobody luvs me... says:
where?

Nobody luvs me... says:
as in which cinema\

and you will find someone. says:
hmm...u choose

and you will find someone. says:
lido

and you will find someone. says:
hhahahahahahahaha

Nobody luvs me... says:
hahaha

Nobody luvs me... says:
u r an idiot tessa

and you will find someone. says:
hahahahaa. lido dido lido dido LIDOOOO.

i'm sorry but i like lido. for no particula reason whatsoever.

dammit. ok so anyway, after movie me and bel have vanessa khor's party to go for.. haha should be fun!
and bel, miss i'm-lazy-to-paint-but-showed-up-anyway, today was made to spend time with YOU SO be grateful you jerk.
(: i love you.

its so weird. how sometimes you feel like your on top of the world. woman-ala-incharge!
and then the next minute you turn into this gooey mess of sticky jello-eey stuff.
all cause of ONE frieking message.. okay maybe a few.
oh well.. there goes the cool and composed tessa out the window. so much for that realty.

why do you have to constantly boggle my mind with false hopes and bullshit promises.
i hate this. fuck all the shit you do.

2005-03-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

okay so i wrote two songs.. one last night and another i dont know how many donkey years ago.. pretty old... lets all take a wild guess who i'm writing about? ahemhem. rese call me NOW NOW please. ok so... enjoy!

three years is a long time
two months was never enough time
to show you my feelings were true
spent too long hiding my thoughts.
maybe then you didnt see.
just how much you meant to me.
but now its over.
i guess its over.

this is for all the times you said
you'd be there when you werent.
and this is for all the times you said
you loved me but you lied.

i wanted everything about you.
i cant believe that we are through.
and i dont wanna let up.
but its time i gave up.
i'm sorry i couldnt make you happy.

the phone calls, though they were few
gave me enough knowledge about you
im sorry if it wasnt enough.
i suppose it wasnt enough
so i guess, for now i'll leave it.
if only i could erase it
from my memory
erase it from my memory

this is for all the times you said you'd be there
when you werent
and this is for all the times you
said you loved me but you lied.

i wanted everything about you
i cant believe that we are through
and i dont wanna let up
but its time that i gave up
i'm sorry i couldnt make you happy.

pushcarting my love into winding traffic
i cant believe you were so dumb
i cant say im happy the calls have gone
after all the pain it got numb
i saw it coming
i guess i knew that it would come.

to you my ex love.

open down the winding streets

torn up from failed romances

when you told me on the floor

of that room we got caught in for the first time.

did you forget?

do you remember me calling?

do you remember me waiting up to hear your voice.

do you remember you saving me

when i was about to give up.

do you remember me waiting.

remember me waiting there for nothing

do you remember turning around and walking away.

open street on an empty new block

stapling through the memories recalled

when you whispered behind the door

of the brown room

remember laying on the floor?

did you forget?

do you remember me calling?

do you remember me me waiting up to hear your voice.

do you remember you saving me

when i was about to give up?

do you remember me waiting

do you remember me waiting for nothing?

do yu remember you turning around and walking away.

and i'm sorry for my heartache.

its natural to wanna want someone.

remember our drink of cider

in the open air we thought would be there forever

lets just me and you

get a run for two.

and make up for lost time.

we'll play our game of poker

then i'll let you win

you can hit me

and this time i wont hit back

please forgive me

for not being in your life

its hard to wanna want something

impossible to possess.

remember this

2005-03-16T00:19:00.000-08:00

so long my friend, don't say goodbye
just give me one last kiss beneath this glowing sky.
we'll go walking through the parkand hang out in the rain.
tell a joke and watch me smile
as we drink away the day.

and know the next time that you
make a wish upon a star
I'll be wishing on the same one that you do
and every night I'm all alone
in some burn out highway town
I'll be thinking of the day that I met you.

hello again, it's been too long.
what happened to our love
since the last time I was gone?

I detach myself again
and lose something everytime.
the solutions in the problem
temporarily alright.

and know the next time that you
make a wish upon a star
that sometimes it might actually come true.
our conversation can't consist of hello and goodbye
and the silence between saying I love you.
and sometimes I wonder bout that too

the ataris- hello & goodbye

2005-03-15T23:42:00.000-08:00

hey!
just got back from malaysia! it was...kinda fun i guess..
family holiday's arent what they used to be..
kev stayed at home.. and so it was just the rest of us..with my gramma.
got a tan! and i missed you like the whole time la.
had such a fun night the night before i left. hahaha. (:
my godmygod.

so anyway! we had dinner at stu's.
me, stu, kev,marcus and james
and me kev and stu made it!
it was good!
well.. it couldve been! i accidentally left the noodles in the water for too long.
it was soo big. hahahahaha. wasnt my fault idontcare!
and i hate seafood! bleagh. but the crepe was deliciouso!
my brother is talented laa! hesagoodhesaagood.

so anyway, bought a new wallet. gucci dey! its brown and lookin all nice.
hahaha anyway. im tired. and i have an appointment with my babe rese at 6pm exactly!
we havnt talked in so long and i have so damn much to tell her.
tessa's escapades! all the secrets.. hahahhaa.

and bel! thank you for buying me shoes babe. surely will like la! (:
i missed you alot too! i love you!

2005-03-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

Last night I dreamt you called from Costa Rica
The place you've been for the last two weeks
You said, "I miss you, oh sweet boy, and will you come on down?"
I woke up to my cold sheets and the smell of New Jersey
When do I get to wake up to you?
Today I can't forget that
I've got these open wounds
It's such a drag
I can't forget you've gone
My ribs have parted ways
They said,
"We're not going to protect this heart you have."
Oh no, what can I do?
My lungs are breathing open air
And my spleen is dripping from my pants
You've left me here in the cold
And I miss you
You never told me it would be this hard
I think my body's saying so
When you're not here, it's leaving me
But I hope that you're o.k.
Even though I'm dying
I hope that you're still trying to have a killer time
Go see the volcanoes
Go see the rainforests
I'll be fine by myself
I'll be fine without these bones.

you vandal.

finch- new beginnings.

2005-03-03T04:05:00.000-08:00

hand me down some photographs
spread across the floor
a broken record spins in circles
she can't listen anymore
she's turned around a thousand times
she set that bridge a fire

but did you wanna listen
you took the world with you
so what is left
so what is left for me

i called you on the phone again
just the other day
it sounds to me you found your place
and everything is great

but did you wanna listen
you took the world with you
so what is left
so what is left for me

i try so hard to figure out
why
no explanation keeps me waiting
lets try
because i know you won't forget
i know
even if the story is over

but did you wanna listen
you took the world with you
so what is left for me
so what is left for me
but did you wanna listen
you took the world with you
so what is left
so what is left for me

Finch- New Beginnings

2005-03-02T21:35:00.000-08:00

oh happy day.

so its about time i changed my blog.
i dont like reading all my past entries it depresses me..
nokia 7610. sexy sia. i waant. (:
i am too happy to stay in my comfort zone.
all i need now is ice cream and tess might actually think it joy seeing a clown,
heaven forbid it.

so i realised that i like my template now..sexy.
the ape. ive been looking for this for too long la.
and yes.

bel.

i miss you. glad you did well for o's. i miss you a whole lot know anot! havnt seen you for damn long please. so meeting up soon ya? thanks for being there for me girly. "sensible ah" hahahaha. what jokes ah! i love talking to you because you make me happy. so quickly lets talk again. happydappy yaya. remember. love you.

this week is commonfreakingtest week.
i hate commonfreakingtest week. why tessa?
because!tessa always manages to fall sick! always!
and what is it this commonfreakingtest week tessa?
oh, nothing much.. just the stomach flu..
i feel like shit. i hate falling sick.

okso! i realised today that i've spent all this time hating her, for doing what she does.
which is a cannotcannot. why!
because i wouldnt want someone hating me for being tessa.
cause there aint no one else i can be is there?
she's childish, i know!
but i mean, cant hold it against her right..
i dont know why she wants to be..maybe she's neglected.
she needs to be loved, so hating her is what i cannotcannot do.
this is where i get my weird words from.

commonfreakingtest week and i dont have any books to study.
oh shit.
where have they gone?
i dont have a locker, do i?
no i dont.. i dont remember having one.
no i dont.
i dont have a locker!
so where the hell are my books?!
thats a question if i ever saw one..
i'm gonna have to find them now.. not now la.
but its a figure of speech...

i think i'm becoming cynical.

song of the day; saves the day- tomorrow too late

2005-03-02T20:35:00.000-08:00

testing.